Now I am in full-on summer mode and can barely keep track of what day it is, I find myself in a bit of a philosophical mood. This is partly prompted by the slow unfurling that happens when my hands are engaged in my craft, but this week it was also prompted by a friend who wrote about weeding her CV, and about ambition. I’m really happy (and a tiny bit envious) of anyone who has reached a point in their career where they need to weed out their professional accomplishments to make way for more important or prestigious achievements but it does rather give one pause and make you feel a bit, well, stalled, or in a rut.
On most days I am entirely happy in my little dominion. I get to spend most of my days making art, or teaching art, or doing other arty things. And this is the life of my dreams. It’s the life I have been steadily working towards all these years, and yet, well comparison is the thief of joy, and I do occasionally wonder what I am doing, and why, and if it will ever be important or have relevance to anyone but me. And if not, does that matter?
Luckily I don’t get much time to sit around and worry about these things. There is always more to do than will fit in a day which is a good thing for a worrier like me.
I FINALLY had an idea for my upcoming show in November. It’s not a clever or particularly intellectual idea, but I decided to just follow it anyway because it is something I have wanted to do for a while. And I have a reasonable chance of finishing it by the end of October. I am putting my caryatids on the back burner because I realized I was trying to squash a big idea into a space and time frame too small for it. So I am going to do more research and take it more slowly.
In the meantime I have been walking in the woods and eco-dying everything in sight and making lots of paper.
None of these are radical things, but they make me feel grounded and connected. I remind myself that my job is to show up and do the work. And then to let it go.